i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
