my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
