Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
