i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
