I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The air taste purple.
Randomize
