I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
