Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Found the puke drawer
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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