hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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