; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
