I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
