You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We need to get me chipped asap
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
