Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
