I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
