After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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