i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How does one acquire holy water?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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