I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need moral support for this bender
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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