Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
