my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
