i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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