Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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