I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
