I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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