last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize