Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
