Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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