i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
