Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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