even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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