In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
