so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
