Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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