woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
