____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
