Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
