Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
