Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
