OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
