Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
