Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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