did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize