I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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