Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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