we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
