he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You did what with his pubic hair?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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