I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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