just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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