I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
