Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
