he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
