I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
