so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
