Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
