I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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