I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
