At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
