He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
