Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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