I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
