i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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