It was confusing and full of hummus
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
