Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
