dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
