you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
