Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
