I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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