You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize