you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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