you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
