Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize