I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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