whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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