She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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