Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
