I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I want is dick and wine.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
