Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
