At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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